I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
