After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
