I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
