We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Terrible idea I love it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
