I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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