Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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