Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
