I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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