So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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