I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
