three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
