i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
