Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
