i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
