do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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