This is not my ceiling
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
