She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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