So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
