This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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