jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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