And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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