We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
