I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
