The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
