I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
whose ass print is on the piano?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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