Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
