nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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