You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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