Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
