I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
