I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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