Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
