I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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