did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
