I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
