I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
