Non-Jews are for practice
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
