Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
