haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
