i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
