You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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