its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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