So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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