i permit you to call me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
