Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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