omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
they need to just BURY HIM!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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