I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Watching her eat just hurts me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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