Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
