Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
