no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
