WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
