Non-Jews are for practice
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
