I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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