My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
