It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
