All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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